I took Aunt Batsy to the mall. I will shop exclusively online from this moment forward.

Taking Aunt Batsy and three kids to the mall is like entering a burning building. Without a hose. Without oxygen. Yet somehow I survive to tell about it. Just like anyone entering a burning building, I knew my chances were slim. But I still went through with it. Because Aunt Batsy has a freaking coupon. We are only going to Macy's. So I trick myself into thinking it might just be okay. But it wasn't. I'm a really bad tricker. And not only does she have a coupon, but she…

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Teaching kindergarten last period on a Friday. Chill the damn wine.

Whoa. The first few weeks of school. It's been real. To begin, allow me to introduce myself. I am a school counselor. Who teaches Character Education. To children in grades K-8. Now even though this is my absolute dream job, it does come with a few drawbacks. I am forbidden by law to name names, but allow me to paint the picture. I love working with kids in the upper grades. They get me. It's my jam. They laugh politely at my jokes. And roll their eyes at me behind…

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After all these years. I still have no clue about football.

My name is Eileen and I am forty-two years old and I still don't understand football. There I said it. It feels good to get that off my big chest. Forty-two years of trying. Sometimes even really trying. To understand this damn game. And still nothing. I spent my twenties watching every single Chicago Bear's game ever played. An entire decade devoted to a sport I don't even like. An entire decade devoted to getting drunk on Sundays. But still nothing. I always just skated by. Wearing the jerseys. Kitty-killing…

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My Nice Cooking Lesson With My Nice Italian Family

I’ve been on a real Italian kick lately. Because Beau is part Italian. Which makes my kids even parter Italian. So it’s important to me to get to know their people.  A few weeks ago a group of us decided to go to Italian Fest. Which is the absolute dumbest place to go when you’re trying to not eat carbs. But then I remembered Italian people like wine. So I went. All I can say for sure is that a good time was had by all. Being Italian for the…

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I survived the first day of school. Kinda.

Today was the first day of school for my kids. We’ve had an amazing summer. But it’s time. Just time. Time to start fresh. Time to get back in the swing of things. Time to get on living our lives. Back to School I love the first day of school. Everyone is up and at ‘em. Everyone is excited. Everyone is so clean. Shining like the top of the Chrysler Building. And everyone is so full of hope. Maybe a little too much hope. Like me, for instance. I’m bringing my…

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Welcome To My New Home!

Hi everyone! I know it's been a while, but my new blog website is finally complete! So I will now be sharing new content weekly. If you'd like, take a second to look around. Read some old posts. Buy some new merch.  And don't forget to... Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! I'm so excited to be back and looking forward to writing a ton. I have had so much happen this past year. OMG. Where do I begin? Stay tuned!!!! Love, Eileen

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The Time Aunt Batsy Made Us Try On Our Dead Grandma’s Dress

Allow me to introduce my Aunt Batsy. She is my Dad's oldest sister. And it would be impossible to truly ever explain her to anyone. But I'm going to try. The other day I left my cell phone at her house. I didn't realize it until I got to the grocery store. So it was about an hour before I got back to her house to retrieve it. When I knocked on the door I heard her yell. You left your phone! Your phone is here! Yes, that's why I'm…

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OMG. Homework in May. I. Can. Not.

It's May. It's finally warm. It's baseball season. My life is so out of control right now that I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. A typical day consists of getting up and going to work. Easiest part of my day. Because when that bell rings at 2:45 it's worse than the alarm going off in the morning. Time to start my for real day. The hundreds of students I see on the daily are no match for the four I have at home. Once…

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What Do I Want for Mother’s Day This Year? Oh, You Know Me, Nothing Much.

Mother's Day has always been a tough one for me. My mom's death literally took the Mother out of my Mother's Day. But now that I'm the mom, I get to enjoy it once again. Because I get presents. The other day, Beau asked what I wanted for Mother's Day. Now before you start sending me messages, yes, Beau buys me a Mother's Day present. It's from him and the kids. And I get him a Father's Day present. I know I'm not his Mother and he is not my…

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Baseball In April Is Pure Hell. Except Hell is Sooooo Much Warmer.

There's nothing more American than baseball. And I'm American, so I love going to baseball games. I love watching my kids play. And I have so many happy memories of my Dad taking us to White Sox games, where we kept score even though there was a scoreboard. My memories always include one thing. Warmth. Baseball was a sport meant to be played during summer months. Not in April. April is no where near summer. Let's start with the White Sox home opener. I work in walking distance to Sox…

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Sometimes I Think We Should Take Our Kids on Educational Vacations. But Then I Remember My Childhood.

Going to Florida for Spring Break has become the focal point of our year. It is so amazing to get out of Chicago and sit on a beach. I can't remember the first time I was ever on a beach, but I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't with my parents. They weren't beach people. They took us on a lot of vacations. We definitely went to Disney World, where my Dad would take a picture next to Space Mountain and then go ride It's a Small World After All. And…

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Going to Florida is Amazing, Until It’s Time to Come Home

There is nothing more glorious as getting the hell out of Chicago and going to Florida. The way the sun feels on your skin when you first get out of the car. They way the sand feels between your toes on the beach. The way you can sleep with the windows open and hear the ocean. There is nothing like it. We've been doing this for about 5 years now and we've really nailed the art of the road trip. The way there, we drive straight through the night. We…

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