My Experience Over At The Community College

I can't believe I've never told this story before. I recently shared an old story on Facebook. And it brought a bunch of memories flooding back. It was almost as if I had wished this part of my life away. But no matter where I go or what I do, there it is. I'm reminded often of this dark time in my existence. I was a little lost. In life. Just trying to figure out what the hell I was going to do. With said life. My cousin Barry and…

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My Aunt Mary Pat

She made us all promise that we'd snitch on each other. If we saw anyone on a moped we were to report to her immediately. And she would reward us generously with a finski.

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My doctor is hotter than your doctor.
BEFORE

My doctor is hotter than your doctor.

The worst. It's a Tuesday morning and a kid walks up to me on my way out the door and says, I don't feel good. The kid who only says that when they're really actually sick. So I went right into hero mode.  Since it's a Tuesday, I will stay home and take you to the doctor. Because according to my diary- Bollywood works the urgent care clinic today. No, Beau, you go ahead and go to work. I will take the day off and stay home with our poor,…

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I took Aunt Batsy to the mall. I will shop exclusively online from this moment forward.

Taking Aunt Batsy and three kids to the mall is like entering a burning building. Without a hose. Without oxygen. Yet somehow I survive to tell about it. Just like anyone entering a burning building, I knew my chances were slim. But I still went through with it. Because Aunt Batsy has a freaking coupon. We are only going to Macy's. So I trick myself into thinking it might just be okay. But it wasn't. I'm a really bad tricker. And not only does she have a coupon, but she…

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Teaching kindergarten last period on a Friday. Chill the damn wine.

Whoa. The first few weeks of school. It's been real. To begin, allow me to introduce myself. I am a school counselor. Who teaches Character Education. To children in grades K-8. Now even though this is my absolute dream job, it does come with a few drawbacks. I am forbidden by law to name names, but allow me to paint the picture. I love working with kids in the upper grades. They get me. It's my jam. They laugh politely at my jokes. And roll their eyes at me behind…

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After all these years. I still have no clue about football.

My name is Eileen and I am forty-two years old and I still don't understand football. There I said it. It feels good to get that off my big chest. Forty-two years of trying. Sometimes even really trying. To understand this damn game. And still nothing. I spent my twenties watching every single Chicago Bear's game ever played. An entire decade devoted to a sport I don't even like. An entire decade devoted to getting drunk on Sundays. But still nothing. I always just skated by. Wearing the jerseys. Kitty-killing…

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My Nice Cooking Lesson With My Nice Italian Family

I’ve been on a real Italian kick lately. Because Beau is part Italian. Which makes my kids even parter Italian. So it’s important to me to get to know their people.  A few weeks ago a group of us decided to go to Italian Fest. Which is the absolute dumbest place to go when you’re trying to not eat carbs. But then I remembered Italian people like wine. So I went. All I can say for sure is that a good time was had by all. Being Italian for the…

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I survived the first day of school. Kinda.

Today was the first day of school for my kids. We’ve had an amazing summer. But it’s time. Just time. Time to start fresh. Time to get back in the swing of things. Time to get on living our lives. Back to School I love the first day of school. Everyone is up and at ‘em. Everyone is excited. Everyone is so clean. Shining like the top of the Chrysler Building. And everyone is so full of hope. Maybe a little too much hope. Like me, for instance. I’m bringing my…

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Welcome To My New Home!

Hi everyone! I know it's been a while, but my new blog website is finally complete! So I will now be sharing new content weekly. If you'd like, take a second to look around. Read some old posts. Buy some new merch.  And don't forget to... Subscribe! Subscribe! Subscribe! I'm so excited to be back and looking forward to writing a ton. I have had so much happen this past year. OMG. Where do I begin? Stay tuned!!!! Love, Eileen

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The Time Aunt Batsy Made Us Try On Our Dead Grandma’s Dress

Allow me to introduce my Aunt Batsy. She is my Dad's oldest sister. And it would be impossible to truly ever explain her to anyone. But I'm going to try. The other day I left my cell phone at her house. I didn't realize it until I got to the grocery store. So it was about an hour before I got back to her house to retrieve it. When I knocked on the door I heard her yell. You left your phone! Your phone is here! Yes, that's why I'm…

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OMG. Homework in May. I. Can. Not.

It's May. It's finally warm. It's baseball season. My life is so out of control right now that I don't know whether to scratch my watch or wind my butt. A typical day consists of getting up and going to work. Easiest part of my day. Because when that bell rings at 2:45 it's worse than the alarm going off in the morning. Time to start my for real day. The hundreds of students I see on the daily are no match for the four I have at home. Once…

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What Do I Want for Mother’s Day This Year? Oh, You Know Me, Nothing Much.

Mother's Day has always been a tough one for me. My mom's death literally took the Mother out of my Mother's Day. But now that I'm the mom, I get to enjoy it once again. Because I get presents. The other day, Beau asked what I wanted for Mother's Day. Now before you start sending me messages, yes, Beau buys me a Mother's Day present. It's from him and the kids. And I get him a Father's Day present. I know I'm not his Mother and he is not my…

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