Different is the New Normal

I have a friend who is changing the world. One kind gesture at a time. Her name is Kerry and she is an absolute inspiration to me as a woman, as a mom, and as a friend. I met Kerry at a play school class for kids with special needs. My son was born with 22q11.2 Deletion Syndrome. 22q is a chromosomal disorder that results in poor development of several body systems.The syndrome can cause heart defects, poor immune system function, a cleft palate, and low levels of calcium in the…

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Why Am I So Technologically Challenged?

It's 2016. And I feel like my Dad. Why do I have such a problem with technology? I'm 38. I should be rocking all these modern day advances. But I'm not. Not even close. When I was a kid I knew how to operate that VCR like no one's business. I can remember the pride I saw in my father's eyes when I could put a VHS in and generate a motion picture. I distinctly remember him regaling his friends with stories about how I could "make that machine work''.…

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My Husband Had His Labia Repaired. Bless His Heart.

Beau hurt his shoulder and had to go under the knife. The first thing I had to do was remember the correct pronunciation of his injury. When I would tell people he was having his labia reconstructed, they would gasp in horror. Turns out Beau doesn't have a labia, but he does have a labrum. And it was in need of repairing. I spent weeks preparing myself for the worst. When Beau has the sniffles, it's hard to deal with. Let alone full on surgery. He actually told me about…

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The Top 7 Reasons My Kids Cried. This Week.

I remember my Dad telling me a story that in the old days there were people who were professional mourners. It was just some light conversation we had while standing at my mom's casket. But apparently there were people you could hire to mourn at a wake or funeral. I could have made a career of this. So maybe that's where my kids get it. My kids are professional criers. They're really, really good at it. Except it doesn't pay well. And it actually sucks the life right out of…

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The Kids Are Sick. The Struggle Is Real.

As I have mentioned, I was home for two years with my kids. I did not enjoy it. I was desperate to be out of the house working again. All that being said, the only good thing about being a stay-at-home mom is when your kids get sick. It's the one thing I no longer had to worry about. Beau also had it made with me at home because he never had to take a day off with a sick child or ever give it a second thought. Bless his heart.…

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Making of a Stay-At-Home Mom. I Was Steven Avery.

Like 99% of the world, I just finished watching the Netflix documentary, Making of a Murderer. And it has changed my life, obvi. I know what it feels like to be Steven Avery. Having your entire life turned upside down. Having everything you've worked for just ripped away from you. For two years I was held against my will at home by my four kids. I lost a job that I loved and was just sort of forced into being a stay-at-home mom. I was a prisoner in my own home. By no fault of…

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The 5 Reasons You Need To Log Off While Drinking

Once upon a time, you could get drunk and the only people who would know about it were the people getting drunk with you. In that same room. That's all. And chances are no one would remember the next day so there was no shame involved. Then the telephone was invented. And soon after, the drunk dial became every binge drinker's worst nightmare. You could go out and get star spangled hammered and come home and somehow think calling your ex-boyfriend was a good idea. For years the drunk dial…

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You Never Want to Say “Hey, Bomber!” on a Plane

According to the Mayo Clinic, Pyloric stenosis is an uncommon condition affecting the opening (pylorus) between the stomach and small intestine in infants. The pylorus is a muscular valve that holds food in the stomach until it is ready for the next stage in the digestive process. In pyloric stenosis, the pylorus muscles thicken, blocking food from entering the baby's small intestine. Pyloric stenosis can lead to forceful vomiting, dehydration and weight loss. Babies with this condition may seem to always be hungry. Pyloric stenosis can be fixed with surgery. I…

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My Mom is Drunk, That’s Why She is So Happy

When we were kids there was nothing we looked forward to more than going to a family party. Being able to hang out with our cousins all night was the best. And if we got really lucky we would get to have a sleepover together at the end of the night. When we were really little, I just remember that my mom and dad were very inclined to agree to anything as the night went on. But thought nothing much of it. I just thought it was awesome and I…

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First Day of School: Parent vs. Teacher

In honor of school starting up again, I watched an old episode of the Cosby Show. The one where the kids have their first day of school. It was pretty damn funny. Bill Cosby does not disappoint. It starts with Rudy waking up Clair and Cliff because she's so eager to start the first grade. And as soon as they realize it's the first day of school they are so excited. They fight over who has to wake all of the kids up. It's Cliff's turn because Clair did it…

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Thank God for Me, the Wind Beneath Beau’s Wings

File this one under woe is me. Life is full of double standards. I remember when I was a little girl, there were things my dad would let my brothers do that I was not allowed to do. After all I was his precious daughter. Things like that make sense to me now. But the double standards I face today are so mind-boggling to me. Beau and I are both awesome parents. There is no question about that. But the way we are treated in public when each of us…

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Judgy-Wudgy Was a Mom

When I first started having kids, I wanted to be perfect. I wanted my little angels to be well-dressed and well-behaved. I wanted my house to be clean. I wanted them to eat healthy. I wanted to be present in their lives. I wanted everything that every first time mom wants. Somewhere around my third child, I realized there's no such thing as perfect. I'm a slow learner. But coming to this realization hasn't stopped me from judging other moms. I think it's just a coping mechanism I use to…

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