Actually, Stilettos Are Not the Most Practical Choice in a Hurricane. For Realz.

For the love of God. People need to calm the F down. Earlier today I posted a pic of Melania Trump wearing stiletto heels getting on a plane to visit Texas to survey the hurricane damage. It was merely an observation. I found it to be not the most practical form of footwear for a hurricane. That's it. Nothing more. Nothing less. It was not a political statement. Not in any way, shape, or form. It was a fashion statement. And a bold one at that. I think Melania Trump…

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Bye Kids! Don’t Let the Door Hit You in the Ass!

For moms and dads, this might be the most glorious time of year. Getting the kids out of the house. For hours on end. Not having to worry about where they are because you know. They're at school. They're not going to be ringing the doorbell as I'm trying to write, yelling, let me back in! There will be no begging for food ten minutes after breakfast is served. There will be no one telling me it's too hot out to swim (one of my personal faves). And whoever the…

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My Kids Would Have Never Made It Growing Up In The 80’s

I would love to throw any kid between the ages of two and eighteen right back into the nineteen eighties for a day. They would never make it. Not saying I wouldn't have a hard time myself. But to anyone who hasn't lived like that, it would be pure torture. I lost the remote control to the television one day and I'm not going to lie. I was pissed. I sat on the couch and sulked. I was so angry. What am I supposed to do now? Get off my…

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I Got a Pap and Mammogram Today. Most Action I’ve Seen in a While.

After watching both my parents die of cancer at young ages it's impossible not to live in fear. I sit here waiting for the day to come that I receive my very own diagnosis. Like it's not a matter of if, but when. It's impossible not to live this way. After seeing everything I watched my parents go through. I just feel like I'm doomed. And I just turned 40. I don't feel 40. But knowing my mom only lived to be 54 scares the shit out of me now.…

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The Things I Still Miss the Most About My Dad

I honestly cannot believe it's been 13 years. Where the hell does the time go. It was a lifetime ago. I really miss the way his left arm got really, really tan from hanging it out the car window to smoke all summer long. Yet his right arm was pasty white. It would have been no big deal if he wore long sleeve dress shirts. But he didn't. Only short sleeves and a tie for him. I also really miss report card days. Those were some crazy times in our…

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The Only Thing I Learned From Giving Up Drinking: I’m No Quitter.

Nothing. I learned nothing. Not one freaking thing. Actually that's not entirely true. I did learn just how insanely disorganized my life really is. And that's going to take lots of alcohol to forget again. But I'm up for the challenge. I also learned I need alcohol to sleep. I need alcohol to deal with stress. I need alcohol just as much on sunny days as I do on rainy days. Maybe even more so. I also learned to feel. And if it's all the same to you, I just…

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What You Need To Know About Trying On the Dress Your Dead Grandma Will Be Buried In

Allow me to introduce my Aunt Batsy. She is my Dad's oldest sister. And it would be impossible to truly ever explain her to anyone. But I'm going to try. The other day I left my cell phone at her house. I didn't realize it until I got to the grocery store. So it was about an hour before I got back to her house to retrieve it. When I knocked on the door I heard her yell.  You left your phone! Your phone is here!  Yes, that's why I'm back. She…

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The Best Worst Comments I Have Received

When you write a blog and put all of your thoughts out there for the world to read, you know you’re setting yourself up for every crazy person to give their opinion. Everyone is smarter than you and knows better. But I really don’t get it. When I’m reading something that I don’t agree with or find dumb, I stop reading it and move on. I don’t take the time to tell the person why I think they are so wrong. But these people did. And I applaud them for…

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What You Need to Know About Being Married For Ten Years

Beau and I just celebrated ten years of marriage. It amazes me that ten years has gone by in the blink of an eye. Yet so much has changed in these same years. I remember when we were picking out our wedding bands. There was a second band you could purchase to match my set. The jeweler suggested Beau could come back and buy it for me for our tenth anniversary. I pictured what it would be like ten years later opening that gift. I was off. Way off. When…

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Ten Years Ago Today My Mom Sent Me a Little Miracle From Heaven

Ten years ago today my life changed forever. I gave birth to my first child. I cannot believe it's been ten years. It was an amazing day. And I love to relive all the moments each year on this day. I never took any classes to prepare for the birthing process. I figured the baby would come out one way or another. And it did. The only thing I knew for sure was that I was going to give birth on 7-7-07. The same day my mom gave birth to…

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How Having Kids Will Make You Look Forward to Going to the Dentist

I got a message the other day from my friend Moe. He was telling me how much his life has changed since having kids. He has two small children so a trip to the dentist alone is now a real treat for him. Thought about your blog today. The kids were waking up from naps and I was about to get the change me, feed me, bring me outside, I just woke up I'm cranky attitude from them. But lucky me I had a dentist appointment! I used to hate…

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Grieving the Loss of My Nannie. One Day at a Time.

Dealing with a major loss is never easy. Change is hard. Especially when kids are involved. Losing our nannie for the summer is no exception. I'm not used to taking care of these kids. And this house. I just wasn't prepared for this. I miss walking into a spotless home. I miss coming home to home cooked meals. I miss coming home to all of the laundry folded. The last ten days of the school year were glorious. I had to hire someone to watch these kids for real. They were long…

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