Grieving the Loss of My Nannie. One Day at a Time.

Dealing with a major loss is never easy. Change is hard. Especially when kids are involved. Losing our nannie for the summer is no exception. I'm not used to taking care of these kids. And this house. I just wasn't prepared for this. I miss walking into a spotless home. I miss coming home to home cooked meals. I miss coming home to all of the laundry folded. The last ten days of the school year were glorious. I had to hire someone to watch these kids for real. They were long…

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There’s Nothing More Painful Than Stepping On A Freaking Lego

It always happens when you least expect it. It can happen in broad daylight. It can happen in the darkness of night. Which always makes it scarier. But the excruciating pain is always the same. Each and every freaking time. Nothing makes me lose my shit like stepping on a freaking Lego. There is just nothing like it. I gave birth four times. I had a major back injury. I watched my parents die slow painful deaths. But nothing, I mean NOTHING, compares to the pain of stepping on a…

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27 Things That Happen at My Pool. Every Freaking Day

I love having a pool. It’s like an instant party all summer long. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s a party. And if there’s another thing I love, it’s relaxing. Having a pool means having people over all the time. Which I also totally love. I can’t imagine what summer would be like without a pool. The kids splashing away. Laughing with one another. Creating memories to last a lifetime. If only Norman Rockwell was here to paint this freaking picture. Goggles. The bane of my existence. Here’s what…

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Being on a School Bus in 95 Degree Heat. The Grossest Thing. Eva.

It's no secret that I'm not really a fan of field trips. Something I probably should have considered before I became a teacher. And had children of my own. I have been to hell and back. And I lived to tell my story. Barely. Yesterday our eighth grade class had their graduation luncheon. It's an amazing party to celebrate this milestone in their lives. Normally a glorious occasion. Until the temperature reaches 95 freaking degrees and you're on a yellow school bus with no freaking AC and you're wearing a…

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For The Love of God I Need This School Year to End

The best part about being a teacher is getting your summers off. Hands down. And if any teacher tells you any different s/he is a big fat liar. I teach because I love seeing children learn. No. I teach because I feel I'm really making a difference in these kids lives. Nay. I teach because it's so rewarding. Never. I teach because of the amount of respect I get in and out of the classroom. No nay never no more. We all teach to get our freaking summers off. Period.…

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If I Was Rich I’d Never Get a DUI

I'm writing this in light of Tiger Wood's DUI arrest this weekend. I understand that he was not under the influence of alcohol, but I started writing this before that was made public. And there are plenty other rich and famous people that get DUIs and I just don't understand why. Let's just all thank the dear Lord that I am not rich. Because if I was, I would be the hugest drunk. The only reason I'm not drunk 24/7 now is because I have to drive places. And most…

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Just Say No. To Being Snack Mom.

I did not start writing this blog with the intention of changing the world. I just wanted to make people laugh. But it has turned into so much more. I feel as though through my words, I can really change the way people think. One small mind at a time. I’m thick-skinned. I can handle the backlash. I’m prepared to do whatever it takes. Because this is long overdue. It’s the year 2017 and it’s time. It’s just freaking time. Time to put an end to being Snack Mom. No…

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I am Ashamed to Admit I’m Guilty of Fat Shaming.

The other night I posted a meme on my Facebook page. It was of a two toddlers wearing the same outfit. And the caption was how the model looks in the outfit and then how the other baby looks in the same outfit. I thought it was cute. I thought both girls looked adorable. And every woman can relate. We never look like the model when we buy the same outfit. It was funny. Then I got a comment that I should be ashamed of myself. And like every time…

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Growing Up In Violence Part 3: Shannon’s Story

I am a guidance counselor. And I've always wanted to tell some of my enlightening stories. Over the years I have taken notes about a lot of my students. And I've decided to start sharing some of them here. I work with a lot of kids who don't have ideal home lives. The one thing that always amazes me is that they always come to school. Even though there's no one at home making them. When I was a kid I would have stayed home every chance I got. Even…

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Where in the World is the Guy Who Punched The Woman in This Video? And His Friends.

We all have that horrible drunk friend. And if you're thinking, wait I don't think I have that horrible drunk friend, you may want to look in the mirror. Chances are you are that horrible drunk friend. I have been that horrible drunk friend. I have said and done things drunk and sober that I regret. The one thing I can count on when I have acted irresponsibly is my friends to set me straight. Over the weekend there was an incident in the River North area of Chicago. There…

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Mother’s Day Really Sucks When Your Mom is Dead

Mother’s Day is one of the happiest days of the year. The weather is usually gorgeous. Everyone gets up early to spend the day with mom. Beautiful flowers are purchased. Perhaps a nice brunch to really show how much you care. An appropriate champagne toast. It’s just a great day to spend with the person you love most in life. The person responsible for giving you life. Unless, of course, she’s dead. Celebrating Mother’s Day without a mom is not as fun as it sounds. When I had a mom,…

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If You Want to Babysit Our Kids, You’ll Have to Sign This Contract

When we had four babies at home it was imperative that we have a mature, responsible babysitter. Someone who could formula feed. And change multiple diapers. And put kids in cribs. And microwave hot dogs. But now that these kids are practically grown, the only reason we need a babysitter is so that they don't kill each other. So without further ado.... Dear Future Sitter, If you'd like the honor of babysitting for us there are a couple of ground rules we need to cover. -Our oldest child is in…

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