First Day of School: Parent vs. Teacher

In honor of school starting up again, I watched an old episode of the Cosby Show. The one where the kids have their first day of school. It was pretty damn funny. Bill Cosby does not disappoint.

Wake up. If you make a mistake in that bathroom, you could drown.
Wake up. If you make a mistake in that bathroom, you could drown.

It starts with Rudy waking up Clair and Cliff because she’s so eager to start the first grade. And as soon as they realize it’s the first day of school they are so excited. They fight over who has to wake all of the kids up. It’s Cliff’s turn because Clair did it on the last day of school. Cliff says, all you had to do was yell last day of school! and the neighbor kids were jumping out of bed. I laughed. Bill.

My cousin Geri posted yesterday that in less then twenty-four hours her kids would finally be back at school. Ain’t no one got time for those BKs (buzzkills). I love it. She has people checking her page for the official countdown.

Now for moms and dads, this might be the most glorious time of year. Get the kids out of the house. For hours on end. Not having to worry about where they are because you know. They’re at school.

They’re not going to be ringing the doorbell as I’m trying to write, yelling, let me back in! There will be no begging for food ten minutes after breakfast is served. There will be no one telling me it’s too hot out to swim (one of my personal faves). And whoever the hell is outside blowing that whistle will surely be off to school next week, and I’ll have the time to find said whistle and destroy it. And the kid outside blowing the damn whistle has no clue how lucky he is to be going back to school.

I’m not even dreading making those first school  lunches. I’ll slap some pepperoni on some bread and send them on their merry way. I’ll probably even have some fresh fruit to start the year off with a bang. But probably not.

I remember reading somewhere that the kids need to bring a drink to school everyday the first week. Excuse me? I’m pretty sure I just paid well over $150 so that my kids would get milk everyday. Why not the first week? The cows did not know? They didn’t get the memo? Are they on strike this year?  I hope not. I hate strikes.

But whatever it takes. Juice boxes, bottles of water, dare I send a can of pop? I don’t care what you drink, just go. Take a freaking wine cooler and be on your freaking way.

Another thing I do not understand is the first day is a half day. Why? Why must you tease us like this? It should be full days. It’s so hard to arrange sitters for half days. Just keep them. They will be fine. It’s like ripping off a band aid. Just do it. Get it over with.

One thing I am scared of is the actual getting up in the morning. I had to set my alarm the other day to go pick up my kids from Shelly’s. Shelly “babysat” them overnight. We really need to find a new word for what it is she actually does with them. It does involve sleeping and wine. But sometimes both of those are only done by Shelly.

Shelly had plans the next day, so I had to set my alarm early to go get the kids. All of this at the crack of eight-thirty AM. It’s been a long time since I’ve been up at that unGodly hour. I wasn’t even sure what was happening when I first heard the alarm. It was so foreign to me. It took me forever to come to and realize it was for me to wake the heck up.

No. Thank. You.
No. Thank. You.

When I was teaching, I used to dread going back to the classroom. Summer’s end was always so depressing. Having to actually go to a job everyday made me sad.

There is just so much work involved. And it’s always so freaking hot. It’s been cold all summer long, but once school starts it’s going to be blazing out there. A friend of mine shared a picture of her classroom on FB the other day. I was never so happy in my life to not be a teacher. Look at the mess.

Meeting all the students for the first time. Trying to remember all of the names. I’ll tell you one thing, if I knew your kid’s name by the end of that first day, it wasn’t a good thing. On the other hand, if I wasn’t sure who your child was by report card day, you’re doing an awesome job of raising them. Keep up the good work.

But parent or teacher, Monday is coming. It’s coming quick. Ready or not, the BKs are going back. I’m going to go practice by taking a nap and setting the alarm.

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