Friends Don’t Let Friends Text Alone

I am a huge fan of the group text. I like to take a funny pic or a witty quip and send it to my different little groups. Whether it be my cousins group, my girlfriends group, my guyfriends group, my triangle, or my DPSers. It’s important that we all stay connected. And it’s nice to have a convo without actually having to talk. Cause ain’t nobody got time for that. There are people in my life that wouldn’t still be a part of my life if it weren’t for texting. There are people in my life that would have no friends at all if group messaging wasn’t invented by some super geeky bazillionaire. So for that, we’re all grateful.

Like most of the awesome things in my life, there are some issues. The group text if great, if used correctly. If not, it can be a real pain in the ass. When you don’t know the people on the text it pretty much sucks. An unidentified number? You can’t be responding to that. It can be God knows who. You can’t have those unknowns all up in your business. I like when someone has the balls to come right out and ask, who’s number is this? And then they find out and have nothing more to say. Take that hint.

We all agree, group texts are very informative and to the point. But then you have the two people who decide to go off on their own private convo and it’s painful for everyone else to read. You have no idea what they’re talking about, nor do you care. Your phone keeps beeping like crazy. It’s maddening. I like when someone finally calls the two offenders out on it. But instead of stopping right then and there, there are ten more replies explaining how they forgot it was a group text. OMG, isn’t that funny? No. No it’s not funny. Those are two minutes of my life I will never get back. Frown face.

The mother of all group messaging faux-pas is when you forget it’s a groups text and respond something you did not intend the group to see. Whoopsies! It happens. The best is when it happens to someone else and you get to sit back and watch as they try to explain their way, via text, out of the big pile of do-do they just stepped in. The worst is when you’re the ahole who did it. That awful, awful feeling when you realized what just happened. All of the sudden you turn into Lindsay Lohan’s publicist on damage control.  You’re totally trying to spin that comment into something it’s not. Good luck with that.

Another type of group messager that I don’t care much for is the irrelevant responder. About a year ago, Aunt Batsy was in the hospital and we had loads and loads of group texting going on. It was an awesome way to keep everyone informed. There was a meeting at the hospital that we had to attend. I was trying to relay the info to everyone involved. It was a fairly serious text and in the middle of it all, cousin Tish asks the group for Uncle Larry’s address. Number one, really? This has to be addressed now? Uncle Larry has lived in the same house for over twenty years. And what the heck are you sending him? Number two, am I the only person in this family with access to Google?

We can't have two jello molds.
We can’t have two jello molds.

And then there’s the person that calls after receiving a group text. Hey, I just got your text. Yeah, so then why are you calling me? That’s the point of group texting. So none of us have to actually talk. The person goes on to explain, I just wanted to let you know that I’ll bring the jello mold to the party this weekend. Well hit reply all and tell everyone! What if someone else is bringing a jello mold? We can’t have two jello molds!

My least favorite part about group messaging is the person who just flat out doesn’t reply. It sends me into a panic. Did they not get the original message? Are they mad at me? Why aren’t they responding? They’re dead. They must be dead. Am I going to have to seriously pick up this phone and make a call? A one on one conversation? Please, anything but that.  Just respond to me. Just say something. Even an emoticon. Something. Even “K”. Nothing says I don’t have time for you like “K”. You’re so super duper busy that you can’t possibly type the “O”? Wow, now that’s busy.

*Some names have been changed so the people I’m talking about don’t know I’m talking about them.

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