How Having Kids Will Make You Look Forward to Going to the Dentist

I got a message the other day from my friend Moe. He was telling me how much his life has changed since having kids. He has two small children so a trip to the dentist alone is now a real treat for him.

Thought about your blog today. The kids were waking up from naps and I was about to get the change me, feed me, bring me outside, I just woke up I’m cranky attitude from them. But lucky me I had a dentist appointment! I used to hate the dentist but now I love it. 45 minutes laying back in a chair. It’s the best. Even better I have a cavity so I have to go back. I made sure to schedule an appointment right around bath time…

Ahhh that point in your life when you realize that the best is all behind you. I know it well. When getting a root canal is more enjoyable than having dinner with your own damn family.

I remember the days of looking forward to my gyno appointments with such longing excitement. Laying on my back with my feet up? Sounds glorious. And after giving birth anything they were going to do to me seemed like a walk in the park.

A walk sans kids.

How about we throw in a mammogram? A vice-like machine squeezing my boobs into flat little pancakes? Compared to bath time? Amazeballs.

How about some blood work? Sticking needles inside of my veins to draw upon the last drops of iron my body can produce? As opposed to changing eighty diapers? Sign. Me. Up.

But now that my kids are older, being at home isn’t as bad. They can feed themselves. They can bathe themselves. They can wipe their own butts. Well most of them anyway.

aaron2

My life is still hell. But just a different type of hell.

I no longer get to go to the dentist alone. Now I have to bring two other kids with me. Beau takes the boys on one day. I take the girls on another day. Because we like to keep our gender roles defined at all times.

Today was my day. Instead of laying there all alone enjoying every second of it. I have a child at my ear at all times. His little head at the exact same height as my ear laying in that exam chair.

So now not only am I trying to have a convo with the hygienist but I have a little robot in my ear asking questions a mile a minute. It suddenly occurs to me that I’m the only one in this room who realizes I cannot communicate with all of these utensils in my mouth.

Yet they both keep talking. And I keep trying to answer both of them. After all, I don’t want to be rude.

Now I really do enjoy some good convo. So the hygienist talking doesn’t bother me one bit. She’s an adult and every time I get to have a convo with another adult I feel not worthy. But the little repeating himself like a freaking broken record is making my want to jump right out of that damn chair.

So gone are the days of going to the dentist alone and leaving the kids behind. Thankfully, I still have my yearly pap to really get some R&R.

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