I Have So Many Questions for April the Giraffe

Holy Mary Mother of God. Enough with the giraffe already.

Whose idea was this to live stream this anyway? And why did it have to start weeks in advance? Jesus, I thought my pregnancies were long.

But I have to give mega props to whoever came up with the idea. It really is marketing genius.

And this is my absolute fave meme about the entire ordeal.

Now that’s funny. A giraffe faking a pregnancy to keep her man. I mean we’ve all done it. Or at least thought about it.

I bet that April loves having a live feed on her at all times. What pregnant gal wouldn’t? If only we knew what the hell she was thinking.

The calf she is about to birth is supposedly one hundred fifty freaking pounds. Oh. My. God. It’s like April is giving birth to me. Or at least me before my holiday weight gain.

I have also learned that this is the fourth calf for April. But it’s the father’s, Oliver, first. So that has to be so annoying. April has been there done that, but Oliver is probably being super obnoxious as a first time father.

He’s probably all up in her business so excited about everything. And April’s probably like, get the F away from me.

There are so many questions I have for April.

Is she going to get an epidural? I hope so. She’s been through enough.

Does she worry about getting back in shape? She’s so tall, so hopefully it won’t be so hard.

Is she going to breast or bottle feed? Not that it’s any of my business.

Was this pregnancy planned? Or did Oliver slip her some wine with a wink one night? We’ve all been there, babe. Some more than once.

Is the other Baby Daddy involved? Does he think that he might be the father? Giraffes on Maury would be pretty awesome.

Does she have names picked out? I really hope her kids aren’t all named after months.

What color is the nursery? Hopefully stripes.

Will she vaccinate? No judgement here. But there has been an outbreak of the mumps. And with those long necks, I’d be worried.

For April’s sake and my own, I hope she has this baby soon.

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