I Miss Calling My Friends at Poison Control

About ten years ago my cousin Boosie had a really rambunctious toddler at home. He was always getting into the cough syrup. Boosie was constantly hanging up with me to call poison control.

I remember saying, jeez why don’t you just put the cough syrup up high so he can’t get it? Duh. I mean I didn’t have kids yet, so I knew better.

Fast forward a few years. It was now me calling poison control on a near daily basis. And I’d like to take this public forum to formally apologize to Boosie. I’m sorry. I was that person. The one that doesn’t have kids so they know to handle these types of situations.

My dream come true
Not gone happen.

Right around the time I brought my fourth child home from the hospital, we were calling Poison Control a lot. A lot a lot.

Once someone drank nail polish remover. I now get my nails done professionally on a weekly basis. For the sake of the children’s safety.

Once someone super glued their teeth to their cheek. Fun fact- super glue stays on the tooth until the tooth falls out. But thankfully we got the lips open right away.

Once someone ate all my tums. Turns out they were pretty calcium deficient so it was a blessing in disguise. I was the only one who suffered from this over-dose.

Someone also got into the cough syrup once. But had an amazing night sleep. I considered that more of an “Aha moment” than an emergency. And I may or may not have left the caps off the bottles from that moment on.

I actually miss my calls to my friends there. Once I accidentally called there instead of the Butterball Turkey hotline and a nice woman named Nancy was still able to answer my question. Amazing.

We spoke a lot back then. Before we would hang up they would always ask me to call them back in a few hours and let them know how I was doing. I always forgot to call back. So they would call me. Sometimes I think they really needed me more than I needed them.

I would like to take this opportunity to mention that my kids have never, ever, never taken any sort of prescription pain med. I watch those babies (the pills, not the actual babies) like a hawk.

Once a mom on Facebook asked where to safely dispose of unused pain meds. At first I was confused. What were unused pain meds?

Then I told her she could dispose of them in my mailbox and I’d take care of them. I checked that box for weeks. She must have come to her senses and swallowed them herself. Although I never did completely rule out Carlos the mailman.

Which brings me to asking for medical advice on Facebook. If a mom comes on Facebook to ask a medical question about something please do not respond:

1. Call your doctor.

2. Call poison control

3. Go to the ER

Every freaking mom is well aware of these three options. And that’s exactly why we are posting in a mom group on FB instead. We want another mom to tell us it will be okay. And to tell us their experience.

Call the doctor. No sh!t call the doctor. But maybe I don’t want my doctor judging me. I don’t want more documentation of the horrible parent I am. That sh!t follows you longer than a bad reputation in high school. Trust me. On both accounts.

Check me out on WGN Morning News!

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