If It Was My Kid That Got Into Harambe’s Enclosure, I Would Have…

Who cares what I would have done? I don’t know what the hell I would have done. Because I wasn’t there.

I learned a long time ago that I can only write about what I know. I’ve tried writing about other things and it just doesn’t work out. I’m really only an expert on being me. I can’t write about an experience I didn’t encounter first hand.

Take killing a gorilla for instance. I have never been in a situation where I had to kill a gorilla. I know many people will find this hard to believe, but it’s true.

And here’s another shocker. I’m not much of an animal lover. But I’m thinking if a person works in a freaking zoo that maybe animals are just sorta their thing. Killing them probably isn’t.

So to have to kill a gorilla would probably be really sad for that person. It’s probably the last thing they’d ever want to do. Except watch a child die.

I don’t work in a zoo. Nor do I particularly care to go to a zoo. I prefer to hang out with mammals that use toilets. So I wouldn’t try to say what I’d do in that situation.

Because I wasn’t there.

I have had, however, a child go missing in a public place. And it’s terrifying. And it happens in the blink of an eye. And I would never wish that feeling on anyone.

Unless you have never experienced this and think you’re so much better. Then I would wish that feeling on you. Just once. That’s all it would take.

And even though I have threatened to feed my children to the gorillas, I would never really do it. One, because I don’t know any gorillas. And two, because the clean up alone wouldn’t be worth it. And I know damn well the hubs isn’t going to help with that mess.

I can’t imagine being at the zoo and realizing my child got into a gorilla exhibit. Because anything is possible with kids. They get into everything. Ev-er-y-thing. I can’t imagine a mother watching her child being thrown around by a gorilla. I just can’t imagine it.

Because I wasn’t there.


I’m not a judge. Although wearing a robe all day does sound amazing. And I did get called for jury duty once.

But lotsa peeps on the old world wide web know what they would have done in any given situation. Some people are just lucky that way. They are experts on everything. It’s amazing.

One night I was watching a clip of a huge warehouse fire on Facebook. It was streaming live. And so were the comments. People were criticizing the way the firemen and women were fighting the fire. Because these people know better. Lay people criticizing professional fire fighters. Risking their freaking lives to save others. Smh.

All I kept thinking was wow, these people have nothing better to do with their time than argue on a Facebook thread. But then I really had to wonder who the bigger ahole was. Them for writing the comments or me for reading them. The answer was me. The answer is always me.

I can’t fathom what it would be like to be in any of these situations. And I pray to God that I never find myself there. Ever. But I do know how much I enjoy a Monday morning quarterback. Because I love football.

When given the choice between being right and being kind, choose kind. ~Dr. Wayne W. Dyer

Just choose freaking kind. Turns out no one really cares what we think. Because we weren’t there.

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