I don’t think you really believe in miracles until you’ve witnessed one. And there is nothing more miraculous than the birth of a baby. When my parents were sick, we prayed for miracles. But it wasn’t meant to be. I doubted if there even was a God for a long time. But I’m a believer again.
Losing my parents was so hard. Then starting our DPS (Dead Parents Society) support group changed everything. The only problem was, I had lost my parents a while ago and now I had to watch my friends go through the ordeal. It’s almost (but not really) as painful to see the one’s you love in so much pain. Knowing the entire time there is nothing you can do or say to help them. All I feel I can ever say, is “look at me, I got through it and I’m just fine”. I always wonder if this comforts or horrifies them to hear this.
My good friends and fellow DPSers, Flo and Dolly, are sisters. Their dad died seven years ago in a tragic accident on Christmas night. Falling down a flight of stairs carrying all of his gifts home. He hit his head and it proved fatal. They struggled with his death as the rest of us struggled with our own losses. Then the unthinkable. Their beloved mom Mona’s life came to a tragic end. They were now orphans.
I remember having a meeting one night and Flo was talking about her loss. She mentioned that she could not believe she was now an orphan. She said one of her first thought’s was, “Now I’m going to be like Eileen and have no parents. No offense, Eileen”. None taken Flo. But it dawned on me how horrifying my life seems to people. And I suddenly remembered that fear. The fear you have when you’re parents are alive. The fear you have of losing them.
Two years ago, Beau and I had to rush one of the kids to the emergency room. Our mad parenting skills at their best. Two minutes later, in comes Dolly with one of her kids. We sat in the waiting room together for what seemed liked forever. I felt bad for Dolly because she was alone with her little one. Until a few minutes later, her mom Mona showed up to comfort her. I remember thinking, I wish my mom could be there. But I also remember feeling comforted by the fact that Mona was there. She was a mom and I knew she would also be there for us if we needed her. I never told Mona that. I wish I had.
Mona died on July 17, 2013. And what a year it has been for Flo and Dolly and the rest of their siblings. There are six in all. These are Flo’s words from her Facebook post the other day….
“What a year it’s been! A little over a year ago my mom passed away unexpectedly. We suffered terribly. How could we move on without her? A few months later, to our complete shock, I found out, after having my tubes tied 2 years ago, that I was pregnant! The Dr. said it was a miracle. We believe it was the work of Mona! 3 months ago we began putting an addition on our house. We moved into my moms house while the work was being completed- thinking we’d be back in by baby time. In the meantime, we got through all of the heartbreaking “firsts” without my mom. Every holiday, every birthday. Together. Tomorrow, the circle of life will come full-circle when we bring “Baby Mona”, back home to her house. It’s almost poetic. Dolly said she just wanted to come home! Ha! I am ready to start a new year with happy firsts. First smiles, first words, first steps, and a new positive attitude! We have made it thru the storm and are stronger because of it!! Feeling blessed!”
Let me start by saying Flo had only one tube to begin with. So the fact that she had it tied and still got pregnant can only be described as a miracle. From the moment she found out she was expecting she knew it was her mom’s doing. We all knew.
It has been so hard to see Flo and Dolly go through the motions of the last year. I would drive by Mona’s house and see Dolly cleaning it out to get ready to sell. It brings back those painful memories of watching my brother Juan do the same thing as Dat and I drank, fighting over our mom’s fur coat. But to see how full-circle their lives have come. This is what life is all about.
Everyday you make a choice. You can choose to live or you can choose to let your grief consume you. Some days, it’s inevitable. Your grief consumes. But to choose to live and accept that life goes on isn’t easy. Flo and Dolly have made the decision to embrace the circle of life. They are an inspiration to us all. And I am so proud to call them my friends.
Flo delivered a healthy bundle of Mona. After her c-section, her doctor, yet again, preformed his infamous tube tying for the second time. While doing so, he said over and over, “Flo, I honestly cannot explain how you got pregnant. Your tubes are so damaged. This was the work of your mom, it has to be. Amazing.”
Well, I mean, what else is he going to say? Sorry I f-ed up tying your one broken tube? But it really is amazing. And it really was the work of Mona. There is no way around it. Baby Mona is a miracle.