Life Without Cable Is Not Worth Living

About two years ago we cut the cord. The cable cord. We didn’t need cable. Our lives were so much more than television. We’d be able to spend more quality time with each other. As a freaking family.

Cutting the umbilical cord was easier, but those scissors they use are amazingly sharp. I could use a pair of those in my kitchen

I was going to get back to reading every night. Well the nights I didn’t drink. So about every other night. But still, this was going to be so positive. I could just feel it.

Our entire nightly routine would change. We’d all sit down to dinner together without the TV blaring in the background. We’d discuss the goings on in our lives. We’d finally get to know one another.

I was determined to learn more about my kids. Starting with their names. And after soaking them in a calming lavender and vanilla bubble bath, I would gather all of them in my bed in our matching pajamas and read them their favorite bedtime stories.

Why bother living?
Why bother living?

I felt so superior to my friends who still had cable. I can’t believe you guys are still watching cable TV. Let me guess, you’re still eating gluten too? That was so 2012.

We were going to spend our free time doing every freaking fun activity I have pinned to my “Sh*t Good Moms Do With Their Kids” pinterest board. While eating only carb free snacks. I felt sorry for my friends that weren’t going to enjoy this life changing event with their families.

And all the money we were going to save! Almost $200 a month. What should we do with all of that extra money? Maybe we’ll buy a cable free summer home on the lake to spend more glorious cable free family time together. As a family. Together. Like they do on TV.

I was pumped. It was going to be amazing. Until it wasn’t.

It started out fine. Who needed the news? It’s all so depressing anyway. Who needs to know the weather? Especially when I have the school to call me the next day asking why my kids are in shorts when it’s snowing out.

But it turns out we don’t mesh all that well as a family unit. We don’t have all that much in common. And no one ever really had anything interesting to say. We’re all individuals. Who am I to try to change that?

Before everyone gets all cray in the comments. Yes, we did keep the internet. And yes I’m aware of Netflix. I just couldn’t find a button on the TV for it.

And yes, we have enough electronic devices to “stream” stuff. But the kids always had them and by the time they went to bed, said devices were all dead. And since we’re down to one charger for all 18 of them, I never got a chance to watch anything.

My kids were being made fun of for not knowing how to use a remote control. And I’ll be damned if they didn’t learn the torture that is a commercial break. I’m not raising spoiled brats.

After two years living like the Amish, it was time. My only obstacle was getting Beau on board. I didn’t quite know how to approach it. So I handled it the way I handle every serious situation. Over booze.

The way life was meant to be lived.
The way life was meant to be lived.

One night over Christmas break, Beau and I indulged in a few adult beverages. We were sitting on the couch staring at our phones, ignoring one another. It was my big moment. I said, I really miss cable. Beau said, Oh my God so do I, call and get it installed right now.

And I did. Because I do everything my husband tells me to do. I still knew the number by heart.

The tech came out the next day. Like he was sent from the Lord above. We didn’t get the DVR. We’re just easing back into it. But I’m sure it won’t be long. Planning my life around live television programming is no way to live.

Now we sit in different rooms ignoring each other. Every single one of us watching our own shows. It’s amazing. The way family should be.

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