I have been thinking a lot about my mom lately. There are just so many questions I wish I could ask her. So many things I just don’t know about her as a woman. I only knew her as a mom. And that part makes me sad.
Did she ever get depressed? (Because I can’t remember a time she seemed to be.)
Did she ever find motherhood over (or under) whelming? (She must have, right?)
What did she worry about when we were kids that she wishes she wouldn’t have? (I really hope the answer is everything.)
Is there anything she regrets not doing? (I really hope the answer is nothing.)
Did she ever want to strangle my Dad with her own bare hands until he took his last dying breath? ( Not that I’ve ever wanted to do that.)
There are so many questions I have for her right now that I couldn’t have possibly known to ask before she died.
After my mom died I was constantly looking for signs from her. It took me a long time to even have her visit me in a dream. But when it finally happened it was worth the wait.
When I was about six months pregnant with my first, my mom came to me and told me I was having a boy. I went on to give birth to him on the exact same day she gave birth to her first child, also a boy. It was pretty much the most amazing sign I could have ever received from her.
Today, out of the clear blue freaking sky, I received another sign from her and it made me feel so amazing.
My mom has been dead pretty much my entire adult life. In some ways it seems like a complete other life. In some ways it feels like yesterday.
I have been to a psychic and a medium. But neither really had me convinced my mom was still here with me. I didn’t feel any real connection.
A few years ago my friend’s mom was dying. She made her mom promise she would send her a sign when she passed over and was safe. Her mom came through with the sign.
And I have been kicking myself ever since for not having her intuition. If only I would have made a pact with my mom before she died. Then I would know she got to wherever the hell it was she was going and that she was fine.
I haven’t thought of or had any signs from her since I had my first baby. Then today, all of the sudden, she came to me.
I was walking down the hall at work. Getting my steps. And I was thinking of my daughter and our relationship.
I was thinking about my mom and how much my relationship with my daughter is so similar to ours. I’m about to turn forty. I can remember my mom turning forty. My daughter is the exact same age I was at the time.
I just had this feeling come over me and I felt my mom was there with me in my thoughts. It’s so hard to explain. But she was there.
Then all of the sudden I’m about to step on a penny. And it’s a heads up penny. A penny from heaven. I had a hard time catching my breath.
The wave of emotion that came over me was unreal. It was an unbelievable feeling. A feeling I haven’t felt in a long time. A feeling that I didn’t want to go away.
I wonder what she’s trying to tell me. She loves me? She thinks I’m an amazing mom? Or maybe she just doesn’t care for the outfit I’m wearing. Knowing my mom it’s the latter.
I love you and miss you. I think you’re a great mom. But what in God’s name is with those pants?
Actually the feeling I got was that she knew that I now know exactly how much she loved me. No matter what. Just the way I love my daughter. And I’m so glad she took the time to tell me.