My Kids Would Have Never Made It Growing Up In The 80’s

I would love to throw any kid between the ages of two and eighteen right back into the nineteen eighties for a day. They would never make it. Not saying I wouldn’t have a hard time myself. But to anyone who hasn’t lived like that, it would be pure torture.

I lost the remote control to the television one day and I’m not going to lie. I was pissed. I sat on the couch and sulked.

I was so angry. What am I supposed to do now? Get off my fat ass and change the channel manually? This is America. Not some war torn third world country. I can’t be expected to do that. I learned a lot that day.

My kids are so clueless. I ordered new gym shoes for everyone yesterday. My kids are dying. I mean absolutely dying, because they’re not here yet.

It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours. Of course I tracked the package and I know they will be delivered by the end of the day. But these kids may not make it til then. This is torture to them. And pretty torturous to me because I have to listen to them.

These kids don’t have one ounce of patience. Not one. I can’t imagine them having to call a friend and getting a busy signal. They would completely freak out.

I can remember my parents saying they would drop me off at my cousins for a sleepover on their way out somewhere. I kept calling and calling their house, but the freaking line was freaking busy for two freaking hours. My parents left without me. There would be no sleepover. When the line was finally free and I got through, I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

I would love to see my kids have to answer the phone with no clue as to who was calling. It just seems so scary to me now. Just blindly picking up the phone? With absolutely no clue as to who will be on the other end? Um, nope.

Caller ID Box

It sounds so creepy now. Just random people calling. Never knowing. Every ring was like a sick game of Russian Roulette.

And it was so hard to hide your disappointment when it wasn’t the person you were hoping it would be on the other end.

Hello??? (all hopeful)

Oh, hey, it’s just you (deflated).

It was also hard to be the person calling.

Sorry, were you expecting someone else?

Um, no, no, not at all. But I have to go. I have to keep this line open in case someone else is trying to get through.

I can vividly remember being in my twenties and sitting next to Beau on the couch while he called a friend. The friend answered by saying, hey Beauy what’s up? Oh. My. God. How did you know it was me? That’s amazing! I didn’t even say hello yet!

You always remember exactly where you were when life changes you forever. The day Kennedy was assassinated. September 11, 2001. The day we discovered caller ID. They’ll all go down in infamy.

My kids are still young, but I look forward to the way they are going to try to get away with stuff when they get older. When we were kids it was easy. I would say I was going to sleepover at someone’s house, but I would really be staying somewhere else.

I would call from wherever I was and say I was where I was supposed to be.  It was that easy. How do kids get away with this nowadays? Can’t you track your kid’s every last move with their phones? These poor kids don’t get to have any fun.

And how about report cards? When we were young you only had to worry about four days a year. Report card days. All quarter would go by with you telling your parents you were doing really well this quarter. You’ve really been working hard.

Then report card day would come and you would have to face the music. Or the lies, if you will. But just for one day. By the next week we’d be back to saying this was our quarter, straight A’s for sure this time.

Not anymore. Each homework assignment. Every pop quiz. All the exams. Right there at your parents fingertips.

There’s no hiding anything. I was able to completely flunk out of college and move back home before my parents even knew anything. Those were the days.

We’d be in the middle of some fun quality family time when someone would finally get around to opening the mail. Uh oh. Sh!t just got real. But never in real time.

When I think back on all of the stupid things I did when I was young and drunk, I am just so thankful that there is no permanent record of it out there somewhere in cyber space.

And when I look back on all of the stupid things I did last weekend when I was not so young and drunk, I am so thankful that no one my age knows how to work all of this advanced technology.

When I look back on my own childhood I am amazed we all lived. But I really don’t know what’s more dangerous. The way we grew up or the way these kids are growing up today.

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