My Thoughts on the Amanda Knox Documentery

I recently watched the Netflix documentary on Amanda Knox. More affectionately known as “Foxy Knoxy”. And now I’m convinced she really is innocent. Of murder. But she is totally guilty of committing fashion suicide.

The scariest part of the entire documentary was Amanda’s lack of make-up. Did she think she was doing a Dove commercial? She didn’t have one lick of make-up on. It was appalling.

Did she not know she was out of prison and didn’t have to look like an inmate anymore? I go to bed with more make-up on than she had. But at least she didn’t get fat in prison like Casey Anthony. I’ll give her that.

C'mon slap on a little rouge.
C’mon slap on a little rouge.

This story has always scared the bejaysus out of me. Amanda Knox was a young beauty, just like me, so I always felt a special connection to her. But now, as a mother, it scares the crap out of me thinking what if one of my kids ends up on trial in a foreign country. Let alone Italy.

My husband’s grandma, whom I shall call Nana, is from Italy. This makes my children 25% I-talian. Not a detail I like screaming from the rooftops. But this is a murder investigation so I’m telling the facts.

So out of respect for Nana, and my part I-talian children, by no fault of their own, I really, really want to speak highly of all things I-talian. But I’m afraid that is impossible in this case.

What an effed up legal system they have going on over there. Besides everyone wearing robes and wigs, like it’s Halloween, I was not impressed.

You’re guilty. Even though we have convicted someone else of the murder. You’re not guilty. Oh wait you’re guilty again. But you’re back in America so it doesn’t really matter anymore. So you’re not guilty again and we really screwed up the entire thing. Ciao! (That’s chow for all you Irish folks.)

I mean this case was crazy from the beginning. My fave part was the polizia telling Amanda she was HIV positive to get her to name all the sexual partners she has had. In an attempt to paint her as a sexual deviant.

She was in her 20’s and studying abroad. Seven partners hardly makes her a whore. And even if she had thousands of partners it doesn’t make her a murderer. Stay classy Italy.

My next fave part was how the real killer took a big pooper in the toilet and didn’t flush. Nothing says F you like not flushing. The person who walks in that bathroom next receives that message loud and clear.

But one thing I’m dying to know was if there was toilet paper floating in there. Or was this guy that gross? He should have had a count of goat butt added to his rap sheet.

Is pooping without flushing a sign that someone is a murderer? If so Beau and I are in real trouble with these kids.

My third fave part was the random Donald Trump appearance. What in God’s name does his opinion matter on the subject? It’s not like they were interviewing a bunch of celebrities.

Just all of the sudden he pops in saying what he thinks about the case. He says we should boycott Italy. I wish someone would ask him now if he still feels the same way. Or at the very least ask Hillary her feelings on the topic. Mama Mia!

Amanda Knox is definitely a little strange. Winking at her boyfriend in the courtroom. Making out after her roommate was murdered. But none of this proves her guilt. This was totally a trial by media.

I was only once reminded that Amanda is actually a real American student. A reporter was asking her Dad when they planned on getting paid to do interviews. The Dad responded, “I’m not looking at her as a hot property”. He’s just a dad happy to have his daughter back home.

This post is dedicated to my fave I-talians. Nana, Madeline, Meryl, and Bibi. Viva l’Irlanda!

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