To My Single Friend On Valentine’s Day

Being married on Valentine's Day is amazing. Just as amazing as every other day of the freaking year. I will go to work. I will come home. I will make five different dinners. My kids will fight and be aholes and I'll count the minutes until I drug them to sleep. And as soon as they're all finally unconscious, Beau will walk through the door. It's pretty damn romantic. It makes being single on Valentine's Day seem amazeballs. Minus the balls. I have a single friend named Hot Fudge. She's…

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I Really Wish There Was No Such Thing As Sexy Costumes for Little Girls

I am a thirty-nine-year-old mother of four. I have no desire to dress up as Little Red Riding Whore for Halloween. Only because I've worn that the last few years. It's time to find something fresh. With a side of slutty. There is something awkward about dressing as a naughty nurse and feeding your baby a bottle. Or pulling the wagon through the neighborhood as a sexy cop with a billy club and matching handcuffs. But just because it's not for me, doesn't mean I don't thoroughly enjoy checking out the…

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