Going to Florida is Amazing, Until It’s Time to Come Home

There is nothing more glorious as getting the hell out of Chicago and going to Florida. The way the sun feels on your skin when you first get out of the car. They way the sand feels between your toes on the beach. The way you can sleep with the windows open and hear the ocean. There is nothing like it. We've been doing this for about 5 years now and we've really nailed the art of the road trip. The way there, we drive straight through the night. We…

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What You Need To Know About Trying On the Dress Your Dead Grandma Will Be Buried In

Allow me to introduce my Aunt Batsy. She is my Dad's oldest sister. And it would be impossible to truly ever explain her to anyone. But I'm going to try. The other day I left my cell phone at her house. I didn't realize it until I got to the grocery store. So it was about an hour before I got back to her house to retrieve it. When I knocked on the door I heard her yell.  You left your phone! Your phone is here!  Yes, that's why I'm back. She…

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How Having Kids Will Make You Look Forward to Going to the Dentist

I got a message the other day from my friend Moe. He was telling me how much his life has changed since having kids. He has two small children so a trip to the dentist alone is now a real treat for him. Thought about your blog today. The kids were waking up from naps and I was about to get the change me, feed me, bring me outside, I just woke up I'm cranky attitude from them. But lucky me I had a dentist appointment! I used to hate…

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Being on a School Bus in 95 Degree Heat. The Grossest Thing. Eva.

It's no secret that I'm not really a fan of field trips. Something I probably should have considered before I became a teacher. And had children of my own. I have been to hell and back. And I lived to tell my story. Barely. Yesterday our eighth grade class had their graduation luncheon. It's an amazing party to celebrate this milestone in their lives. Normally a glorious occasion. Until the temperature reaches 95 freaking degrees and you're on a yellow school bus with no freaking AC and you're wearing a…

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Growing Up In Violence Part 3: Shannon’s Story

I am a guidance counselor. And I've always wanted to tell some of my enlightening stories. Over the years I have taken notes about a lot of my students. And I've decided to start sharing some of them here. I work with a lot of kids who don't have ideal home lives. The one thing that always amazes me is that they always come to school. Even though there's no one at home making them. When I was a kid I would have stayed home every chance I got. Even…

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Where in the World is the Guy Who Punched The Woman in This Video? And His Friends.

We all have that horrible drunk friend. And if you're thinking, wait I don't think I have that horrible drunk friend, you may want to look in the mirror. Chances are you are that horrible drunk friend. I have been that horrible drunk friend. I have said and done things drunk and sober that I regret. The one thing I can count on when I have acted irresponsibly is my friends to set me straight. Over the weekend there was an incident in the River North area of Chicago. There…

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If You Want to Babysit Our Kids, You’ll Have to Sign This Contract

When we had four babies at home it was imperative that we have a mature, responsible babysitter. Someone who could formula feed. And change multiple diapers. And put kids in cribs. And microwave hot dogs. But now that these kids are practically grown, the only reason we need a babysitter is so that they don't kill each other. So without further ado.... Dear Future Sitter, If you'd like the honor of babysitting for us there are a couple of ground rules we need to cover. -Our oldest child is in…

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Growing Up In Violence Part Two: Fiona’s Story Continued

This is Fiona's story continued. Her mom was arrested and Fiona and her brothers are now left to fend for themselves once again. Read Part One of Fiona's story here. A few months later they had my mom's first trial. She was losing her case. She called us and told us that everything was going to be okay. I got mad and told her everything is not going to be okay. How could she be so stupid? It's my 8th grade year. She wasn't going to see me graduate. She…

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Growing Up In Violence Part One: Liam’s Story

I am a guidance counselor. And I've always wanted to tell some of my enlightening stories. Over the years I have taken notes about a lot of my students. And I've decided to start sharing some of them here. I work with a lot of kids who don't have ideal home lives. The one thing that always amazes me is that they always come to school. Even though there's no one at home making them. When I was a kid I would have stayed home every chance I got. Even…

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It Takes a Freaking Village to Raise These Kids

We hear it all the time. It takes a village. We can't possibly raise these kids on our own. We need everyone's help. And it's so true. Doing my research for this post I read that Hillary Clinton wrote a book about this subject. And that conservatives went nuts and claimed it doesn't take a village. It takes a family to raise a child. It takes both. Duh. I yell at other people's kids often. And every time I do, I think of how it takes a village. And how…

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I Totally Understand What It’s Like to be Barron Trump. Totally.

Many people may not know this about me. But I actually had a very similar upbringing to that of Barron Trump. Very similar. Like totally the same. When I was a kid my uncle owned a few car dealerships on the south side of Chicago. My Dad worked for him. And also appeared in the television commercials to promote the business. So it's really no wonder I've had such television success of my own. Appearing on WGN morning news. Once. Donald Trump had his reality show. My Dad starred in…

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It’s Time We Start to Respect the Police Again

Tensions are high in the city of Chicago right now. A lot has been going on. The Cubs won the World Series. There was a shooting of an armed man by an off-duty Chicago Police Officer. And there was the election. Those three events have directly impacted the police. They are the ones who are called to control all of the drunks celebrating in the streets. They are the ones called when a man is wielding a gun in the middle of a family oriented neighborhood. They are the ones…

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