How Does Two Weeks Off Completely Ruin Me?

New year, new me. I say it every new year. And I never quite know how I got here. In a matter of two weeks I have completely let myself go. I can no longer wear pants. Being a teacher, you think, "this is awesome". Two glorious weeks vacation around the holidays. I'll get so much accomplished. I'll get my house completely organized. I'll take my kids to all sorts of fun places. I'll have so much more time to workout. But that's never the case. The reality of it…

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How to Get This Bloated, Apple-Shaped, Postpartum, Borderline Alcoholic Bod That Dreams Are Made Of

The question I get asked the absolute most by people is, "Do you really drink as much as you say you do?" The answer is no. Of course I don't. I could never write about how much I actually drank or my kids and house and liver would be taken away. The second question people always ask is how I maintain this mannish figure after thirty nine years of livin' and vaginally birthing four children. I've decided it's time to share my secrets. It's just not fair to the rest…

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