I Have So Many Questions for April the Giraffe

Holy Mary Mother of God. Enough with the giraffe already. Whose idea was this to live stream this anyway? And why did it have to start weeks in advance? Jesus, I thought my pregnancies were long. But I have to give mega props to whoever came up with the idea. It really is marketing genius. And this is my absolute fave meme about the entire ordeal. Now that's funny. A giraffe faking a pregnancy to keep her man. I mean we've all done it. Or at least thought about it.…

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Khloe Kardashian Can Jump Rope Without Peeing Her Pants. I Can’t.

I'm all for going from flab to fab. But there is one way I will not achieve a new me in the new year. And that's by jumping rope. I am nearly forty years old. I have given birth four times. The only use I have for a jump rope is to strangle the hubs in his sleep. Nothing else. "Khloé Kardashian Credits This Super Simple Workout for Her Toned Body" I bet she does. She's 32. With her cute little bladder all intact. I bet she can sneeze and…

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HGTV’s Tiny Houses: Size Does Matter

I caught an episode of HGTV's tiny houses show the other night. In between watching Ryan Lochte getting attacked for real and JonBenet specials. And holy crap. I thought my house was small. If I ever got to the point where I wanted to get rid of Beau, I wouldn't hire a hit man. I would just move us into one of those obnoxious tiny houses. That would do it. And there would be no blood on my hands. Sixty-four square feet. Are you effing kidding me? Measurements aren't my…

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