My doctor is hotter than your doctor.
BEFORE

My doctor is hotter than your doctor.

The worst. It's a Tuesday morning and a kid walks up to me on my way out the door and says, I don't feel good. The kid who only says that when they're really actually sick. So I went right into hero mode.  Since it's a Tuesday, I will stay home and take you to the doctor. Because according to my diary- Bollywood works the urgent care clinic today. No, Beau, you go ahead and go to work. I will take the day off and stay home with our poor,…

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I’m Back. New Year. Pretty Much Same Me.
We even dress alike.

I’m Back. New Year. Pretty Much Same Me.

So I took a little time off from writing. I just needed to recharge and regroup. And really concentrate on my other passion. Drinking. Best thing I could have done. Because now I'm back and ready to rock. My holidays were amazing. Santa was extremely generous to my kids. And some day soon I may actually pick up the remaining wrapping paper that's littering my basement and put away the decorations. But for now I'm content with just closing the basement door. On New Year's Eve we took the kids…

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How Having Kids Will Make You Look Forward to Going to the Dentist

I got a message the other day from my friend Moe. He was telling me how much his life has changed since having kids. He has two small children so a trip to the dentist alone is now a real treat for him. Thought about your blog today. The kids were waking up from naps and I was about to get the change me, feed me, bring me outside, I just woke up I'm cranky attitude from them. But lucky me I had a dentist appointment! I used to hate…

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If I Was Rich I’d Never Get a DUI

I'm writing this in light of Tiger Wood's DUI arrest this weekend. I understand that he was not under the influence of alcohol, but I started writing this before that was made public. And there are plenty other rich and famous people that get DUIs and I just don't understand why. Let's just all thank the dear Lord that I am not rich. Because if I was, I would be the hugest drunk. The only reason I'm not drunk 24/7 now is because I have to drive places. And most…

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A Few Reasons Why I’m a Freaking Amazing Mom

Now of course I couldn't possibly fit all of the reasons I'm so amazing into just one post. So this is just part one of a multi-part series. And I'm pretty sure it will be ongoing. Til the day I die. Bribery. If I want my kids to do something I simply bribe them. It can be something as simple as, go fill my wine and I'll count to see how long it takes you. Or something along the lines of, do your sister's homework and I'll give you ten…

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Tomorrow is My First Furlough Day. And I’m Going to Enjoy Every Freaking Second of it.

Tomorrow is a furlough day for me. It's a day that I cannot come to work and will not get paid. Although I enjoy getting paid, I'm not entirely upset about the no work part. My kids are all in school full time. They will all be in school tomorrow. And I will be home. Alone. Furloughing. All. By. Myself. A few weeks ago my kindergartener and first grader came home with permission slips for a field trip. To see Disney on Ice. I was a bit too overly excited…

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Dear Celebs. Please STFU. Now.

No one cares. No one. Not me. Not my friends. Not anyone who has to work for a living. I never try to put my religious or political beliefs on anyone. Because half the time I'm not even sure what they are. I wish people would stop trying to put theirs on me. I am a school counselor. A Wife. A mother of four. I work in the Chicago Public Schools with children who see so much gun violence that they are totally desensitized by it all. I have two…

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Some of My Favorite Aunt Batsy-isms

When it comes to quotes, my Aunt Batsy is right up there with Dr. Phil McGraw. Where she comes up with this stuff I'll never know. But I'm glad she does. When someone dies she likes to call me and tell me about it. I normally have no clue who the person is. That's when she gets all fired up and says something like, "You know who I mean, the Nolans from the fruit stand." Um, I'm not even sure I know what a fruit stand is, let alone the…

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All Beau Had To Do Was Buy One Present. One Freaking Present. Bless His Heart.

It's so hard. Just so hard. Being a man. Especially around the holidays. I only have about eighty people to buy presents for. So when Beau steps up to the plate and says he's going to buy one gift in particular, I'm all for it. Until the texts start rolling in. In the middle of the day. While I'm at work. Bless his heart. I'm used to Beau going to the grocery store and calling no less than three times to ask me questions about my list. A list that…

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I Miss Calling My Friends at Poison Control

About ten years ago my cousin Boosie had a really rambunctious toddler at home. He was always getting into the cough syrup. Boosie was constantly hanging up with me to call poison control. I remember saying, jeez why don't you just put the cough syrup up high so he can't get it? Duh. I mean I didn't have kids yet, so I knew better. Fast forward a few years. It was now me calling poison control on a near daily basis. And I'd like to take this public forum to…

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