For The Love of God I Need This School Year to End

The best part about being a teacher is getting your summers off. Hands down. And if any teacher tells you any different s/he is a big fat liar. I teach because I love seeing children learn. No. I teach because I feel I'm really making a difference in these kids lives. Nay. I teach because it's so rewarding. Never. I teach because of the amount of respect I get in and out of the classroom. No nay never no more. We all teach to get our freaking summers off. Period.…

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That Time I Sh!t My Pants in an Alabama Gas Station

Last week was the most glorious week of my entire life. It was spent on a beach in Florida with the greatest family and friends I could ever ask for. The weather was amazing. The drinks were cold. Everything was awesome. But like all good things, it came to an end. Way too fast. And it was time to drive all the way back to Chicago. Beau likes to do all the driving. Because he makes really good time. Even though it takes exactly fourteen hours. Every single time. We…

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What the Hell Kind of Christmas Carol is This?

I prefer my suicidal helliday songs to be of the Carpenter variety. Because at least then I'm reminded to put down the eggnog and pop an ex-lax to maintain this mannish figure. I was on my way into work the other day when I had the unfortunate experience of hearing Dan Fogelberg's Same Old Lang Syne on the radio. I was torn between trying to figure out what in the hell it had to do with my holidays and wanting to drive into a light pole. Met my old lover in…

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