HGTV’s Tiny Houses: Size Does Matter

I caught an episode of HGTV's tiny houses show the other night. In between watching Ryan Lochte getting attacked for real and JonBenet specials. And holy crap. I thought my house was small. If I ever got to the point where I wanted to get rid of Beau, I wouldn't hire a hit man. I would just move us into one of those obnoxious tiny houses. That would do it. And there would be no blood on my hands. Sixty-four square feet. Are you effing kidding me? Measurements aren't my…

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Dear Children, Please Stop Flipping Your Flipping Water Bottles

If one more flipping kid flips one more flipping water bottle I'm going to flipping lose it. I thought my kids were all becoming diabetics the way they've been constantly asking for water all summer long. But I finally caught on. They're not drinking the flipping water. They're flipping the flipping water. Bottles. All summer long I've been listening to bottles flipping all over my damn house. It's driving me insane. I make them go outside and I can still hear it on the deck. I can hear it on the…

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Ryan Lochte: If You’re Going to Lie Might As Well Make Yourself the Hero

When I was seventeen I went on Spring Break to Mexico with all of my friends. I still wonder what the hell my parents were thinking. Letting me go to a foreign country. Where there was no drinking age. They must have just really, really trusted the responsible young lady I had become. Cough. There are so many things that I'd love to be able to ask my parents. But that would really be at the top of my list. I know it was a simpler time. But ohmygod! Anything…

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