The Best Part About This Weather is Garage Drinking

Coming home from Florida was tough. It was hard to wake up and go to work when I was used to waking up and having a Bloody Mary by the pool. It's no way to live. The only good thing is that pretty much everyone who was in Florida with us is as depressed as we are. So everyone is trying to keep this party going. In their garages. On Friday night around 9:30 I got a text from Shelly. We're drinking in the garage come on down. Um, okay.…

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My Kids Are Ruining My Entire Fitbit Experience

My kids got Fitbits for Christmas. At first I didn't like the idea because like I told them, Santa doesn't bring eating disorders. But then Santa sat me down and told me not to deprive my children because of the demons in my past. Before the kids got theirs, I was averaging 12,000 steps a day on mine. I don't mean to brag, but that's a full 2,000 steps a day more than the American Heart Association suggests. Last night the kids were trying to get even more steps so…

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Getting the Kids Back To School. The Struggle is Real.

I really, really dread summer coming to an end. The monotony of back to school. The God damn lunches. Four this year. Plus two snacks. Every. Damn. Day. My kids started school yesterday. With just a half day. Followed by another half day today. I go back to work on Monday. So I wasn't expecting much. But holy bajaysus! Have I enjoyed these hours of pure bliss more than I could ever imagine. It's amazing what some alone time can do for your psyche. I'll take you back to Wednesday…

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