What You Need To Know About Trying On the Dress Your Dead Grandma Will Be Buried In

Allow me to introduce my Aunt Batsy. She is my Dad's oldest sister. And it would be impossible to truly ever explain her to anyone. But I'm going to try. The other day I left my cell phone at her house. I didn't realize it until I got to the grocery store. So it was about an hour before I got back to her house to retrieve it. When I knocked on the door I heard her yell.  You left your phone! Your phone is here!  Yes, that's why I'm back. She…

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How Having Kids Will Make You Look Forward to Going to the Dentist

I got a message the other day from my friend Moe. He was telling me how much his life has changed since having kids. He has two small children so a trip to the dentist alone is now a real treat for him. Thought about your blog today. The kids were waking up from naps and I was about to get the change me, feed me, bring me outside, I just woke up I'm cranky attitude from them. But lucky me I had a dentist appointment! I used to hate…

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Grieving the Loss of My Nannie. One Day at a Time.

Dealing with a major loss is never easy. Change is hard. Especially when kids are involved. Losing our nannie for the summer is no exception. I'm not used to taking care of these kids. And this house. I just wasn't prepared for this. I miss walking into a spotless home. I miss coming home to home cooked meals. I miss coming home to all of the laundry folded. The last ten days of the school year were glorious. I had to hire someone to watch these kids for real. They were long…

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There’s Nothing More Painful Than Stepping On A Freaking Lego

It always happens when you least expect it. It can happen in broad daylight. It can happen in the darkness of night. Which always makes it scarier. But the excruciating pain is always the same. Each and every freaking time. Nothing makes me lose my shit like stepping on a freaking Lego. There is just nothing like it. I gave birth four times. I had a major back injury. I watched my parents die slow painful deaths. But nothing, I mean NOTHING, compares to the pain of stepping on a…

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27 Things That Happen at My Pool. Every Freaking Day

I love having a pool. It’s like an instant party all summer long. And if there’s one thing I love, it’s a party. And if there’s another thing I love, it’s relaxing. Having a pool means having people over all the time. Which I also totally love. I can’t imagine what summer would be like without a pool. The kids splashing away. Laughing with one another. Creating memories to last a lifetime. If only Norman Rockwell was here to paint this freaking picture. Goggles. The bane of my existence. Here’s what…

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For The Love of God I Need This School Year to End

The best part about being a teacher is getting your summers off. Hands down. And if any teacher tells you any different s/he is a big fat liar. I teach because I love seeing children learn. No. I teach because I feel I'm really making a difference in these kids lives. Nay. I teach because it's so rewarding. Never. I teach because of the amount of respect I get in and out of the classroom. No nay never no more. We all teach to get our freaking summers off. Period.…

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Getting the Kids Back To School. The Struggle is Real.

I really, really dread summer coming to an end. The monotony of back to school. The God damn lunches. Four this year. Plus two snacks. Every. Damn. Day. My kids started school yesterday. With just a half day. Followed by another half day today. I go back to work on Monday. So I wasn't expecting much. But holy bajaysus! Have I enjoyed these hours of pure bliss more than I could ever imagine. It's amazing what some alone time can do for your psyche. I'll take you back to Wednesday…

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My Summer Rules for Kids That Refuse to Raise Themselves- Feel Free to Print and Frame

Now that summer is here I feel the need to reiterate some of the basics. In order for us all to survive, I'd like to take this opportunity to go over some of the ground rules. Eating. I don't care what you eat. As long as I don't have to assist you in any way, shape, or form. I'm not cooking. You're old enough to find food in the cabinets and open the packaging yourself. I put a lot of time and effort into the $400 worth of processed food…

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It’s Summer. Out With the Bras. In With the Booze.

I really didn't think this day would ever come. But it is finally here. The first day of summer! And it's raining. Which makes it even more perfect. I'm still in my jammies. Still drinking coffee. Still don't have a bra on. Because I don't have to. Because I'm a freaking teacher. I've had to put a bra on every day for the last ten months. I mean every day besides every weekend, every holiday, every furlough day, Christmas break and Spring break. But still. That's a lot of bra…

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