How to Get This Bloated, Apple-Shaped, Postpartum, Borderline Alcoholic Bod That Dreams Are Made Of

The question I get asked the absolute most by people is, "Do you really drink as much as you say you do?" The answer is no. Of course I don't. I could never write about how much I actually drank or my kids and house and liver would be taken away. The second question people always ask is how I maintain this mannish figure after thirty nine years of livin' and vaginally birthing four children. I've decided it's time to share my secrets. It's just not fair to the rest…

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