There’s Nothing More Painful Than Stepping On A Freaking Lego

It always happens when you least expect it. It can happen in broad daylight. It can happen in the darkness of night. Which always makes it scarier. But the excruciating pain is always the same. Each and every freaking time. Nothing makes me lose my shit like stepping on a freaking Lego. There is just nothing like it. I gave birth four times. I had a major back injury. I watched my parents die slow painful deaths. But nothing, I mean NOTHING, compares to the pain of stepping on a…

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If I Was Rich I’d Never Get a DUI

I'm writing this in light of Tiger Wood's DUI arrest this weekend. I understand that he was not under the influence of alcohol, but I started writing this before that was made public. And there are plenty other rich and famous people that get DUIs and I just don't understand why. Let's just all thank the dear Lord that I am not rich. Because if I was, I would be the hugest drunk. The only reason I'm not drunk 24/7 now is because I have to drive places. And most…

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Getting the Kids Back To School. The Struggle is Real.

I really, really dread summer coming to an end. The monotony of back to school. The God damn lunches. Four this year. Plus two snacks. Every. Damn. Day. My kids started school yesterday. With just a half day. Followed by another half day today. I go back to work on Monday. So I wasn't expecting much. But holy bajaysus! Have I enjoyed these hours of pure bliss more than I could ever imagine. It's amazing what some alone time can do for your psyche. I'll take you back to Wednesday…

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I Have Finally Found the True Meaning in Mother’s Day. Me.

A few weeks ago I got an invitation to attend a Mother's Day Tea and Fashion Show at my daughter's school. My initial thought was I can't go because I have to work. I told my five year-old this. She was upset. Like all my kids are when they ask me to do something and I say I can't. But I always explain that I work to make the money to buy the toys and they're usually okay with this. But this time was different. I really don't know what…

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